then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
