Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
