guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
