i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
