Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
