Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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