Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
