sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
