I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
