i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
