I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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