ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
