The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
