Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
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she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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