She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
