Jerry, you need to find god
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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