Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
