you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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