shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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