that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
