Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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