So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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