You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
