I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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