I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize