some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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