Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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