Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
