Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize