For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
