She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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