if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.