im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.