How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
