Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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