so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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