Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
