I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
