Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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