Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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