You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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