got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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