dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
