He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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