We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
