You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
3 2 1 whiskey
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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