Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
