Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
