I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
