I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
