not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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