What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
