it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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