I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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