morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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