I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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