I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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