I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
