his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
