I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
