Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
as a side note pls kill me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
