they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
