I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
