How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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