K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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