so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize