3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
