Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
