C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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