you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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